diary

it's funny when people talk about their summer romances. we fell in love in the dead of winter. perhaps it was the combined heat of our bodies in a single bed or maybe it was the secret blanket kisses that did it.i held your hand to keep warm and you held my heart in your unspoken words and maybe this was just bound to happen all along. if only you could bring yourself to kiss my perfect painted lips perhaps others would stop seeing us as a joke for acted emotions. we had real intimacy from the beginning but only pretended through actions (i can't remember why; i guess i just wanted to be near you). Closer. like the movie we watched together except with different people. i'm worried i can't write poetically because i'm just in love. i fall in love completely and quickly and suddenly everything is consumed. one day i'll get my prose back.

I'm afraid words mean more to me than they do to other people. Things may be true in a moment but may not be true universally. I love in moments. I used to love in feelings. I'm afraid of the boys who call me beautiful and gorgeous. I want to desperately to believe them but I know they won't mean it by morning. They forget they ever loved me. I'm afraid of those I love temporarily. We mean things once, but only in moments.

Moments last for as long as you let them.

Please forgive me for holding on a little longer than I should.