Let’s go back to the past. Or some other time where everything was perfect and beautiful and right. Back to a time where I don’t remember feeling any pain and everything that was done was amazing. With you.
Because I love you. And we had amazing times. And I can’t help thinking that is what is missing when I feel like I’m missing something. I miss you. But that’s not it, because I can miss you when you’re here. Because I’m missing that past you. I miss how we were. How everything was. Back to that bright summer. The brightest summer of my life when all I could remember is the sun shining, everybody’s eyes lighting up. Yours, shining the brightest of all. Just for me. Back to a time when everything was innocent; when all we wanted to do was see each other, hold your hand. When the sight of you coming up to me still set my heart aflutter.
Do you miss that too? Do you miss us? Do you sometimes wish and wonder and want things to go back to the way they were? When everything was perfect, and we didn’t worry about the future. We were too busy living in the moment. When we lived by Carpe Diem and we seized every moment out of every day we spent together. As if there was no tomorrow. And, in a way there never was. Because as much as we want to; as much as anyone wants to; we can never, ever go back. Not ever.
We only have memories. Memories are all that we have to keep us going. Memories remind me why we love each other, why we always will. You don’t leave someone you’ve shared that much with. And if you do, you must do it with as much heartbreak as quiet detachment. And it’s a shame. It’s such a terrible, terrible shame that time works in this way. People grow and move apart at different times and sometimes it feels like we’re not in sync at all. Not with anyone.
Everything you’ve ever wanted will come to you. But that’s just it. You get everything you’ve ever wanted. You’ll only realise that when you’ve got it. And by then you’ll be too afraid to let it go. Because you tell yourself that you’ve wanted it so much, for so long. And the people in your life have all moved on. Or they haven’t, but you have.
This is where time plays its dirty little tricks on us. Two people, wanting each other at different times only to discover that when they’re together; they’re together. But when they’re apart; they’re gone. Almost from each other’s lives. But that’s not to stop them from missing each other. Because they’ll miss the memories. Everything they had. Everything they had come from and experienced together.
Life plays such cruel, terrible tricks on us. And who’s to say “stop it”? Who’s to fight against the bad times? No-one, because we can’t bend or break something that was never whole. Something that was always nothing, except in our own minds. And, for reasons that everybody knows why, we allow ourselves to be hurt; we choose it. Because we know that the deepest, saddest pain is worth one happy memory. One perfect moment, where everything made sense is worth all those heartbreaks. Because pain can only hurt as much as you let it. Memories are carried with you for your whole life, and no-one can ever take them away from you. Once a moment, a memory is created; it is yours to keep, and treasure. Nobody knows why, but lives are lived and souls are given; hearts are broken, and everything falls into place.
I don't know. That was just a rant and this blog is fairly empty so I thought I'd fill it with stuff :)